you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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