Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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