Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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