I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
