If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
