$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I cockslap morals
what day is it and did you see me today?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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