Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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