mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You've changed since you got that strap on
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