how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
