FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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