So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
