I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
