"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
