So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
