She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
