I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
