Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
