We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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