I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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