CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize