He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
everyone is single if you try hard enough
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize