Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
