So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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