i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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