rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
