dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
