You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
