don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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