yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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