someone threw a dead crab at me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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