so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Drunk is not a location!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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