Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
porn star boner night. come get it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
