What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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