hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
