First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
