What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Randomize
