I haven't been this sober since birth.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
