I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Are we still banned from the library?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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