i just snorted my name. best moment ever
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
