how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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