im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
