do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
