peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
4 words: hood of his car
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
