I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
