fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
