Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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