I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He shit in the fireplace
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
