oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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