I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
