pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
