I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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