I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
