They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
