just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't put those talents on a resume
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
