Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
