Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize