It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
