You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
