i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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