It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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