you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize