Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
